Constantly going out and trying to score at “the club” to no avail? Do you look in the mirror and wonder “what is wrong with this beautiful orange face and perfectly gelled hair?” Please submit your photos and stats to Douchewatcher.com to find out if you are indeed a douchebag. They will scientifically examine your information and advise you on your level of douchebagery. But like our good friends over at Douchewatcher would say “If you have to ask, then you probably are…” Here are a couple of my favorite douchebags from their site:

Like Jesus, I also hate the Yankees. However, there are no words to describe my love for Jason Giambi’s mini Giambi that is growing on his upper lip. Some career options for him shall he and his fuzz leave baseball:

1. 80’s retrobush (I bet he has one) Porn Star

2. Backup singer for Hall and Oates

3. Intern at the American Mustache Institute

4. State Trooper in New Jersey

5. Burt Reynolds impersonator

6. Tango dancer at the Blue Oyster Bar

Mr. Scary European Speedo Man… how I hate myself for loving you. This guy could probably offer some stellar makeup advice on how to strategically apply shimmery bronzer. I can’t decide if he looks more like Giorgio Armani or a Louis Vuitton handbag but I bet he’s wearing a nut bra for those saggy leather-skin balls!

Never say to your wife - “Bitch, get in the kitchen and cook me a…

What’s worse than getting caught masturbating by your mother? Getting caught masturbating to Warcraft by your friends. Some sexual advice for our young pud yankers that you won’t find in the Dear Abby advice columns - the girl’s in games aren’t real dude!

Here is some wholesome christian advice for couples just starting out…

Housewives are sexy…

From Please Hammer Don’t Hurt Em to Reverend Hammer to Mr. Hammer, CPA.

This is a targeted advertisement from my Myspace page (thanks Myspace!). Apparently, MC Hammer is getting himself an edgamacation these days…