secretlyhateyou

Advice Fail

admin — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 19:40:07 +0000

Am I a Douchebag?

admin — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:25:30 +0000

Constantly going out and trying to score at “the club” to no avail? Do you look in the mirror and wonder “what is wrong with this beautiful orange face and perfectly gelled hair?” Please submit your photos and stats to Douchewatcher.com to find out if you are indeed a douchebag. They will scientifically examine your information and advise you on your level of douchebagery. But like our good friends over at Douchewatcher would say “If you have to ask, then you probably are…” Here are a couple of my favorite douchebags from their site:

Ode to the 80’s Mustache

admin — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 01:24:34 +0000

Like Jesus, I also hate the Yankees. However, there are no words to describe my love for Jason Giambi’s mini Giambi that is growing on his upper lip. Some career options for him shall he and his fuzz leave baseball:

1. 80’s retrobush (I bet he has one) Porn Star

2. Backup singer for Hall and Oates

3. Intern at the American Mustache Institute

4. State Trooper in New Jersey

5. Burt Reynolds impersonator

6. Tango dancer at the Blue Oyster Bar

Sexy Beast of the Day - “Euro Beach Bunny Trash”

admin — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 01:14:59 +0000

Mr. Scary European Speedo Man… how I hate myself for loving you. This guy could probably offer some stellar makeup advice on how to strategically apply shimmery bronzer. I can’t decide if he looks more like Giorgio Armani or a Louis Vuitton handbag but I bet he’s wearing a nut bra for those saggy leather-skin balls!

Free Relationship Advice from David Cross

admin — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:45:44 +0000

Never say to your wife - “Bitch, get in the kitchen and cook me a…

Caught in the Act Part II

admin — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:40:43 +0000

What’s worse than getting caught masturbating by your mother? Getting caught masturbating to Warcraft by your friends. Some sexual advice for our young pud yankers that you won’t find in the Dear Abby advice columns - the girl’s in games aren’t real dude!

Conflict Resolution Tips

admin — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:04:19 +0000

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

The Best Oral Sex Advice

admin — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:35:57 +0000

Here is some wholesome christian advice for couples just starting out…

Sexy Beast of the Day - 05/29/08

admin — Fri, 30 May 2008 03:58:49 +0000

Housewives are sexy…

He’s Going Back to College…College…College

admin — Fri, 30 May 2008 03:39:54 +0000

From Please Hammer Don’t Hurt Em to Reverend Hammer to Mr. Hammer, CPA.

This is a targeted advertisement from my Myspace page (thanks Myspace!). Apparently, MC Hammer is getting himself an edgamacation these days…