well, this must have been embarrassing…

A German couple had to call out the fire brigade after tying each other up in chains - and then losing the key to the padlock.

Jochen Ranstett, 56 and his wife Maria, from the town of Weiden, dressed up in leathers and chained each other to their beds, but lost the key during the romp.

After hours of trying to free themselves they finally gave up and called for help on Jochen’s mobile phone.

He said: “It was so embarrassing. We just wanted to try something a bit different and we ended up with this.

“I even had to be taken to hospital because my wrists had swollen so much from trying to get out of the handcuffs.”

i bet the officers had a field day writing that report up!

old saggy balls scare the living bejesus out of me!  let’s help keep our world a sag-free one…

Tags: balls, old balls, nut bra, saggy nuts, saggy balls

i found this fancy little number while perusing the web. no folks, this is not a joke. it is quite possibly the most disturbing inhumane thing i have ever seen not to mention the most useless…

An Australian family favourite - the perfect bar accessory for anyone who likes to impress their mates with their toys.

This, is a genuine kangaroo scrotum folks, if you click on the picture to enlarge it you’ll notice an abundance of hair… yes, the kangaroo has hairy balls too!

According to legend, there lived in the center of Australia an aboriginal boy. He came once upon a small kangaroo in the bush, caught it by the tail, and made a purse out of its dear little symbol of masculinity. He gave it to his girl, and she kept seeds and berries in it. Next he saw a large kangaroo. He caught it with a spear and made another purse from its thick, large and abundant symbol of masculinity. He gave it to his father who kept stones and things of value in it.

Ever since then, male kangaroo scrotum purses have been popular amongst the aborigines. For women, the soft pliable one; for men the strong, wrinkled one. They became as important as one’s own symbol of masculinity and were recognized as the bringing luck items. That’s why kangaroo scrotum purse is often called the “Lucky Bag” or “Lucky Pouch”.

Now you might wonder why we Aussies are lopping off one of our national symbol’s testicles and shamelessly promoting them as a souvenir… after all, you don’t see Africans selling giraffe tongue, or zebra stripes.

Kangaroo is subject to Australian Government protection, but needs to be constantly harvested to control its numbers owing to its prolific breeding habits. (They root like rabbits here, I tell ya!) Through this harvesting program we are able to make available to you the famous kangaroo scrotum, intricately handcrafted into a useful bar tool - the bottle opener!

The Kangaroo Scrotum Bottle Opener comes in a variety of colours, mostly shades of grey, brown and white and is presented tastefully; gift boxed, as are all products in our Gifts Of Distinction range.

Have you got a mate that has everything? I bet he hasn’t got a kangaroo scrotum bottle opener… and I bet it’s a present he won’t forget for a long long time!

it also gives new meaning to the term “beer balls”.  poor fellow.

and you wonder why people hate american tourists…

BERLIN (Reuters) - A naked American tourist raised eyebrows when he went for a walk through a German city and told police he thought this was acceptable behavior in Germany.

“We have been having unusually hot weather here lately but, all the same, we can’t have this,” a spokesman for police in the southern city of Nuremberg said Tuesday. “The man said he thought walking around naked was tolerated in Germany.”

Many Germans enjoy nude sunbathing which is allowed in public parks. The 41-year-old was carrying his clothes in a bag when police stopped him Monday evening after complaints from pedestrians.

The tourist was not under the influence of drugs, said police. They made him get dressed and pay a 200 euro ($269) deposit pending his investigation for indecent behavior.

americans please - if you travel abroad please take the time to learn a little about the customs of where you are going and act accordingly. in addition, don’t expect locals to speak english in their own country!

shit like this never happens to me…

“Daddy, I got two toys in my happy meal!”

We realize that you have to disguise your stash when you go to work, but hiding your pipe, marijuana and lighter in a happy meal box is a dangerous idea. Why?

You might hand your stash right out the drive through window. That’s what one McDonald’s employee in Ottawa, Illinois did, and as you might imagine, everyone—even the police chief — is laughing at him. The employee is a 17 year-old high school senior, he’s been arrested and charged with possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. From Fox Chicago:

“Police admit that many in the town find the incident… funny.
Police Chief: “I’d be rather surprised if at any time in the rest of my career I see something like this happen again.”

now that’s what i call a happy meal! hey buddy - if you can’t remember where you hid your weed you might want to lay off of it for a second.

this goes out to the gentleman who so graciously grazed his nut sack across my knee on purpose the other night…

Tags: douche cologne, douche bag, annoying

not only is this guy a moron (a moron with a good heart albeit), but he now has a horrible tattoo on the back of his head. it doesn’t even look like a slice of pizza - more like a mini “pizza the hut” from the movie space balls. ananova reports:

A Welshman has had a slice of ham and pineapple pizza tattooed on the back of his head.

Colin Helsby’s tattoo took three hours to complete and features three types of ham, chunks of pineapple and strands of cheese dripping down his neck.

The 45-year-old had the tattoo to raise cash for a cystic fibrosis charity and to celebrate the opening of his new business - a takeaway pizza shop.

Mr Helsby, from Penmaenmawr, north Wales, said he had a bit of a headache but was happy with his new look, reports CBBC News.

He said: “I’m really pleased with it, and I’ll keep my head shaved at the back for a few weeks to show it off.”

Tattooist Blane Dickinson, who tattooed a full English breakfast across the top of a man’s head last month, said he liked the result: “It’s really colourful, and I’m very proud of it.”

how in the hell did a pizza tattoo raise money for cystic fibrosis? i hope his hair grows back quickly!

this commercial has to be at least 15 years old but i still laugh my ass off every time i see it…

Tags: i’ve fallen and i can’t get up, i’m having chest pains, life alert, old people