despite trying my hardest not to, i just had to watch the paris hilton post-jail interview on larry king live. larry king seriously needs to give up his day job. he is a pussy! he asked the most ridiculous questions such as “what did you eat in jail” and “were the other prisoners nice to you”. c’mon larry, she’s not the first bitch to go to the slammer! what stood out the most for me was when he asked about drug use and drinking. she not only denied ever having an addiction to drugs (somewhat believable) but also denied EVER using drugs. within the past couple of months, there have been photos circulating of her partaking in what i do believe is an illegal drug - a doobie. what about the video of a guy at the same party as miss hilton covered in blow and acting like a lunatic?? am i supposed to believe that she didn’t hit up a line or two? mr. king did not even question this:

But despite her reputation, Hilton said it won’t be hard to give up the party heartiness that has helped make her famous. Why? Because she doesn’t have a problem, never has — those are just “stories” that the media have made up about her, she said.

Asked three times if she has ever used or been addicted to drugs, she replied flatly, “No.” Asked if she was a big drinker, Hilton told King, “I’m not really into it. I think socially people do sometimes when they go out, but it’s not something that I really care about.”

She added, “People make up so many crazy stories. The things I read about and things I see is not the person who I am. It really baffles me sometimes when I read things — the places I’ve never been, people I’ve never met — it’s really shocking to me.”

does anyone believe this girl at all? i have $10 on it that she will be back on the party circuit in the next few weeks.

this chipmunk is INSANE…

Tags: dramatic chipmunk

shoe shopping can morph you into a moron…

A Romanian woman has been fined for reporting her car stolen then realising she’d left it in a supermarket car park.

Madalina Nesan, 29, told officers she was “so excited” to try her new bargain shoes that she completely forgot about the car.

Police investigations were just getting underway when the woman called back the next day to explain the confusion.

She told officers she had driven to the nearby supermarket in her new Peugeot 206 but when she finished shopping she left on foot.

She had been anxious to try out some new bargain shoes she had bought because they were heavily discounted.

i remember getting really excited once about a pair of $5 open toe sandals i bought in union square.  however, they didn’t make me walk into walls or forget my name.  i mean let’s be real here, they are not manolo’s!

you fall into a cement mixer??

A drunk Russian woman had to be pulled out of a newly-laid road after she fell into a concrete mixer and then into a pool of drying asphalt.

Elena Pavlovna, 43, had been walking home after a lunchtime session with pals in the town of Kemerovo.

She saw her path was blocked by machinery left by workers who were taking a break from resurfacing a road and tried to step over the machinery.

But she slipped and fell into a concrete mixer which had been left on and after a few minutes of being twirled around inside with the concrete mix she was “poured” out onto a pool of asphalt.

A rescue service spokesman said: “‘Despite the fact that only part of her mouth was out in the open she did not shut up and kept on telling us what we should be doing. It was really annoying.”

apparently the “ladies who lunch” aren’t doing much eating.   i’ve heard plenty of drunk stories about barfing, peeing, and falling but this one takes the cake!  time to lay off the bottle sweetheart.

let’s add "flaming shots" to the list of things we shouldn’t do once out of college.  ah, to be young and retarded again…

Tags: flaming shots, flaming shots gone wrong, flamer, moron

isn’t it ironic…don’tcha think…

An Iowa woman called Butts faces up to two years in jail - for stealing toilet paper from a courthouse.

Marshalltown Police Chief Lon Walker told the Times-Republican: “A courthouse employee saw her walk from a storeroom carrying a bag of toilet paper.”

Because of prior convictions, Butts faces up to two years in prison.

Supervisor Gordie Johnson said: “We have three strikes and you’re out and I consider each roll of toilet paper a strike.”

who steals toilet paper anyway? oh wait, there was that one time at work. whatever, i was completely underpaid!

secretly hate you sexiest man alive 2007!

for all of the saved by the bell fans out there.  zack and slater - the love that could never be…

Tags: saved by the bell, zack and slater, gay, love

if you are a single gal holding out for the perfect man today is your day…

A 73-year-old Indian farmer who vowed not to marry before passing his high school exams has failed to get through for the 38th time.

Shiv Charan Yadav has been taking the exams — normally given to schoolchildren at the age of 15 — every year since 1969, without success.

“Once I pass I want to get married to a girl who’s under 30,” Yadav, who lives alone in Kohari village in the western desert state of Rajasthan, told Reuters.

He is now revising for his 39th attempt next year.

they never have quality studs like this on “the bachelor”. i guess all the good ones are taken, gay, or dumber than dog shit.

sexual repression is a bitch! if this is what hormones do to a male squirrel then i’m glad i’m not a lady squirrel…

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said Thursday.

With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.

“After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man’s garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh,” the spokesman said. “Then he killed it with his crutch.”

The spokesman said experts thought the attack may have been linked to the mating season or because the squirrel was ill.

he’s just a squirrel trying to get a nut ya’ll!